I'm so fucking centered right now
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
