After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I want her autograph on my taint
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
