Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
