3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
