So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
