Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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