I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
