They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
