her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
