So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
