you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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