Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
