She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
