So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
