Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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