she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize