Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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