her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
