I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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