Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
