Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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