Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
