I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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