Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
