Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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