all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
