remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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