I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you had me at cake vodka
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize