an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
