youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
