He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
