During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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