it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
