Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
