So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
