Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
