Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
