and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
it's like iHOP with fire
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
