I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
