If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
