Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
