My balls are so social today.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
