I think my fart just growled at me.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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