I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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