I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
