3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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