I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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