i just wanna soil my oats bro
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
