Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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