Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
