Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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