My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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