there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Randomize
