Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
