NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
