So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
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