he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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