I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
