He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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