He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
