If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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