Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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