Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
