Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I am midnight drunk by noon
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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