I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
A+ Viking dick
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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