he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Barsexuality is the new black.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
