I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
