when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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