so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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