Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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