I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
