Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
