last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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